HONESTY MONTH: DAY 28: “Make yourself an honest man, and then you may be sure that there is one less scoundrel in the world.”― Thomas Carlyle
I remember how hard it hit me in the chest the first time I heard the readings in my first meeting. When they read: “There are those too who are constitutionally incapable of being honest…” I thought it was the death penalty for any chances I had to do this thing.
I did not hear the next words that said, “…with themselves…” I was already being honest with myself. It was so ingrained in me to lie about EVERYTHING at that time in my life. It did not even make sense that I lied about most of the things I did. It was just an incredibly deeply-ingrained practice that I had to be very conscious with the words I spoke.
I did not set out to make myself an honest anything. I just kept praying for the strength to carry out this part of God’s will for me. I was certain it was God’s will. I still am.
And it really has not been that difficult to do. It seemed impossible and became possible. Now it is more of a habit than the old ways were. As is so much of this stuff. I just keep doing it and now it is a way of life. I don’t know when that happened. I don’t know which inventory pushed the needle in this direction. I am just eternally grateful that those hundreds of inventories have been done.
My sponsor just tells me that I am like sponsoring a roomful of addicts. Most of them would only do one or two inventories. I do them so often that we always have something to talk about, and after all these years, I still call her twice a week. Always have, always will. It is part of recovery to be authentic, to be accountable, and to be honest. So few practice those things. Wish more did.