April 5

HONESTY MONTH: DAY 5: “Gimme an honest frown over a false smile, any day.”― Gregory David Roberts

I remember learning, early on in this thing, that there were people who might not like me. I was horrified, to say the least. Stunned!

What? Adorable me? Believe it or not, I was truly surprised to learn that it was okay to be not-liked. Really okay. And that it was perfectly acceptable to allow that. OMG! Shocking for me. I was such a people pleaser that I could not stand it if someone was mad at me. My raging codependency was a huge issue for me to come up against from day 1.

I was such a phony that I was unclear for many years about what I truly liked and did not like. There were some things that were obvious, but I learned so many more as time went on. I found out when I was projecting onto others, which few people ever recognize at all. That is a huge experience!

I learned about my personal preferences. I had never had the freedom or the personal space to have them before. They were NOT handed-down by the men in my life, but I sure did not know how to live that one! What fun to find out who Kelly really was. A trip through honesty that I would not have missed for the world.

I always “went along with” others, but had a great deal of rage inside because of that. Practicing these principles and hundreds of inventories have taught me who I am. Not who I was, nor who I want to be, but the authentic and true Kelly. She was buried in so much shame and rage, I thought I would never dig her out.

I truly love her. Truly love her. She is the person I was most dedicated to killing for so long. It is not what I am doing today. So glad. So happy. And life “HAS taken on a new meaning…” for me. I know when I smile or frown at something or someone why I am doing it. I know who I am…that is the journey. Yay!

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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