July 20

HUMILITY MONTH: DAY 20: “The highest glory of the creature is in being only a vessel, to receive and enjoy and show forth the glory of God. It can do this only as it is willing to be nothing in itself, that God may be all.”― Andrew Murray

This quote reminds me of a phrase in the 12×12. In Step 3, there is a query from a new member about what will happen to them when they turn their life and will over, “…what will become of me? I’ll look like the hole in the doughnut.” I love, love, love that line!

I did not at first, but have come to make that my ultimate goal in recovery…to become the hole in the doughnut. To be completely and totally surrounded by nothing other than God. To BE surrounded in Spirit, instead of Ego.

We are taught to do that in our culture. To define ourselves as we look, as we work, as we spend, as we appear and live on the outside. I want my outside to reflect only the Creator…the Universal Power. Nothing else. None of Ego’s control or choices, none of the cultural focus on looks, money, property, or influence.

I want to define myself solely on the spiritual journey I am here to walk. To be only God’s kid. To not be defined by my education, my career, my home or car or clothing…and yes, not by my shoes either. In fact, due to a lifelong interest in shoes, I now have issues that require me to be completely mindful of what I wear to walk in. I cannot obsess on the kinds of shoes I must wear now. It got removed. Just like that self-interest in appearance and so many other things do over time. It gets removed. I am forced to find new ways of being Kelly.

I have found, during this recovery time, that I am forced to turn to the spiritual when all else has failed me. I did not start there, ever. It has been my experience that I first seek the material or worldly things to fill my life, and they get removed so I MUST seek the spiritual. Isn’t that like the process of becoming the hole in the doughnut? Yeah, I think so.

See, I must always and forever bow down to the Universal Power who removes these things from me. It feels like progress toward the thing I never realized I was here to find. Today I am grateful for the removal of every single thing that stood in the way of my growth and development as anything OTHER than the hole in the doughnut…Yay!