HUMILITY MONTH: DAY 19: “For my own part, my constant prayer is that I may know the worst of my case, whatever the knowledge may cost me. I know that an accurate estimate of my own heart can never be otherwise than lowering to my self-esteem; but God forbid that I should be spared the humiliation which springs from the truth!”― Charles H. Spurgeon
There are things about ourselves that we deny for a long time, or at least that is the case for me. I would have argued strongly against some of what I now call character defects. I believed I was in the right a great deal of the time, and today I am humbled by the knowledge of who and what that truly means. I have been wrong a lot more than I used to believe.
I don’t think we can see all of it until we are in that place of spiritual strength where we can be safe and okay with the truth. It comes in waves, not a sudden deluge. We could not handle the truth that is found after years of doing this.
If, in my first Steps 6 and 7 I had uncovered the same depth of myself that I can sit with today, it would have been more than I could have handled. That benevolent Universal Power has given me this insight into myself in ways that were acceptable and more gentle than I can ever believe. We are gifted with so much love in this process. I am sure others could see things I did not see. I could not embrace it all fully at first. This IS a process, not a sudden landing.
I am grateful for that. I have always been willing to know the truth, just unable to know it fully. As the BB says, “More will be revealed.” As it is, I process through these steps again and again, understanding each time, more fully how perfect and beautiful the process is for me. I am so blessed to not have believed those who do the “One and done” version of these steps. I would have missed the whole thing!