April 12

HONESTY MONTH: DAY 12: “Magic is the only honest profession. A magician promises to deceive you and he does.” ― Karl Germain

I laughed when I found this quote. Too true. Wouldn’t it be nice if people would be more forthcoming about their dishonesty when you meet them?

I think so. A disclaimer of sorts…”I am insecure, so I make up stuff to feel better about myself. My ego endorses this practice, so expect it to happen a lot…”

I have never done this, nor have I been honest 100% in this life. It is a goal, but to claim it as a reality is not possible for me. I have a couple of friends in my life who are honest all the time. It is disconcerting at times, because I am not always prepared for their ability to stay in truth.

This is not my long suit, although I practice honesty with everything I have today. I still have too much codependence and people pleasing to always be completely honest when asked certain things by others. I hope to let that go, but I am not sure I will in this lifetime.

Being mindful about what I am saying makes it better. I do know that when I am most inclined to be dishonest is when I feel insecure or uncertain with new people. If they come off with a lot of judgment kind of energy, I am hit by it more often than I would like. It feels bad and I respond with less integrity than I want to have.

Even feeling like that is less honest than I want to be. I want to be able to let it roll off of me, but it doesn’t. This indoctrination and programming is too deep and has been in my framework for too long. I am able, for the most part, to be honest with my responses, but I feel the energy coming from a place in me I want to heal more deeply. I don’t know when that happens, but I will not let up today.

We all get to heal our lives in ways that are perfect for our own spiritual growth. The best we can do on any day is be where we are and move in the direction that is best for our own development and progress. I hope to always move in the direction of healing. I get plenty of practice because that is what we are here to do…practice, practice, practice. A beautiful thing…

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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