April 13

HONESTY MONTH: DAY 13: “When I’m at the bottom looking up, the main question may not be ‘how do I get out of this hole?’ In reality, the main question might be ‘how do I get rid of the shovel that I used to dig it?”― Craig D. Lounsbrough

Step 4 is so powerful that I always feel like I am laying on the ground, hit by the steamroller of Ego and Self-will. I am if it is a thorough job. I am supposed to be. This is where the “ego must be smashed.” I really love that…it feels like I have gained a new respect for the Spirit of the Universe who knows me intimately enough to really understand what a con artist I am. I have a new respect for being found out. And I can quit trying to find that shovel that I use so often.

Another tool of Ego that has nothing good or fine to promise me, yet does so anyway. Isn’t that the way Ego operates? I think so.

I love how the steps unfold…1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7…and so on. There is a beautiful rhythm that I find comforting to the process. What I learn about myself in Steps 4 and 5 gives me insight into how to work 6 and 7. Then I clean it all up in 8 and 9. I love that.

It would be a beautiful thing if I stopped picking up the shovel after that, but I haven’t yet. Perhaps one day, but Ego does not appear to stop, no matter how great the smashing. It bounces back and digs a new hole. So determined. It explains to me the true power of the indomitable nature it possesses. And I know Spirit is just as determined, so I am going to keep pushing Ego back down when I catch it. The good news I can report is that the holes are less deep each time and I catch myself much faster every day. So that is progress. We can not ask for anything more.

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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