February 26

HOPE MONTH: DAY 26: “With every mistake, we must surely be learning.”― George Harrison

I believe we do…learn from mistakes that is. Some of us are doomed to repeat them many, many times before we learn. Sometimes it is only once. Let us look at some important information about that.

First of all, how many of us got it that we were addicts the first time others knew there was a problem. I remember the first time I did cocaine. I immediately knew I loved it too much and that it was destined to be a problem. Immediately! And yet, that was at the age of 17 and I could not stop “hoping” it would feel like that again for over 14 years before I hit that wall of denial with my thick head and was graced with the opportunity to get surrendered to that addiction.

Even then, it was not because I had learned anything. It was because Grace and Divine Intervention coincided to give me an opportunity to learn about this recovery thing. At that point, I was still not convinced, but I became reasonably willing over the next few weeks to consider it.

There were thousands of mistakes in that experience…literally thousands.

And then there were the many, many failed attempts I made with relationships with men. OMG! It was an ongoing and constant attempt on my part to “love” someone and have them “love” me in return. I just knew the right man would make it all okay. Yikes! I do not realistically know how many men that included. Truly do not have an inkling. But, it was a great many, and they taught me nothing, really. I just believed it was their stuff, not mine. It took a lot of recovery before I recognized that I was the problem. That I could not attract something healthy into my life using the toxic bait that was me. Oh! Really? We hear this all the time in the rooms of meetings…”my picker is broke.” No!  You are toxic and unhealthy. We cannot be in a healthy situation when that is the case. We will always attract the kind of person who is going to mirror US. I hate that part, but it took a lot of tries before I was willing to see MY part. Okay!

This goes for life…all of it. We ARE learning, but we really insist on doing a great deal of research into the mistakes before we get the lesson. At least I do.

So this gives me hope that I can eventually  get to a healing place in all of this. It may take years, but I am here to get this lesson just like THAT. YAY!

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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