January 30

ACCEPTANCE MONTH: DAY 30: “Through each crisis in my life, with acceptance and hope, in a single defining moment, I finally gained the courage to do things differently.”― Sharon E. Rainey

Finally is the operative word here. I am not always quick to shift into a new paradigm, nor is anyone. We will use old, unsuccessful ways of doing things until, as my friend always says: “the fear of change becomes less than the pain of remaining the same.”

Oh yeah! We resist new ideas until the old ones have beat us into submission. I have read a lot lately about two concepts I do not believe in. The first one is SURRENDER. This is not possible for me. I cannot surrender anything until the Universe has its way with me and I finally concede that I am kicked to the curb and beat up beyond my own ability to stand up again…I truly know I must BE or GET surrendered. It is not something I can decide needs to happen and then do. Just not like that, not in my experience.

The second one is the idea of FORGIVENESS. I can only work on ACCEPTING something or someone. I cannot plan to and then forgive. It is not in my ability skillset. It is absolutely impossible for me to forgive myself or anyone else. I just ACCEPT the situation or person as being the way the Universe wants it or them to be. And then I will become peaceful around it.

Forgiveness is an act of Divine Intervention, as I see it. It is the state of Grace that I did not earn or deserve, but which came to me, nonetheless. My recovery is an act of Divine Intervention…absolutely is, each and every moment of each and every day. I cannot make this happen. I have to be intervened on by a Power Greater than Me…what I call Universal Power. That is the Grace that allows me to be clean and sober every moment that I am. I can fuck it up, but I cannot create that situation. Anything that says I am doing this is all Ego. And THAT sucker has it in for me, for sure.

I can be forgiven and sit in that state of Grace, but I cannot look down from a position of Supreme authority and Power and give it out to others, or myself. All I can pray for is that I continue to accept, as a tremendous gift of Grace, that Divine Intervention which is Power’s forgiveness and acceptance as an Ego-based idiot walking around with my head so far up my butt I do not know how to live. (My humanity.)

That is what surrender is all about…getting to THAT space. It takes a lifetime or 10 or 20 to get there. It is not something we can do with Dr. Phil or Oprah cheering us on from the sidelines. Yikes! I love this quote, because I FINALLY gained the courage to do some of these things differently, but not of my own volition. It takes a beating to get there and a beating every time I want to shift back into old ideas…I am extremely dependent on having ongoing Divine Interventions on every level of my life. Yay!

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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