October 9

DISCIPLINE MONTH: DAY 9: “Showing a lack of self-control is in the same vein granting authority to others: ‘Perhaps I need someone else to control me.”― Criss Jami

Perfect! We wonder why we run afoul of the law and end up in jail or prison when we are running and gunning. I used to get so angry when the police would pull me over and suggest that I should not be driving in the condition I was (always) in. What? Really? How rude!

The other day, I had a conversation with my friend about her son, who is having serious consequences for his addiction and his behavior. She keeps trying to keep him out of prison and is a world-class enabler, which is sad. But when she asked me what I thought, I told her I was glad they were violating his parole, because he is carrying a gun and loaded. That is not something I want to see in the world I inhabit. I believe he really belongs in prison. He has not learned anything, because she keeps bailing him out. We do this also. In my family groups, I call it “aiding and abetting the criminal.” Families do this all the time.

It is not good. We will not face our own shit until there is nowhere else to run. I know I didn’t. I am such a huge advocate for recovery. In every area, at all times. There is no such thing as being “too busy” to parent if you choose to have children. I love that the legal system holds parents accountable until children are 18. Sadly, most of them will act out for the rest of their lives. And parents will do horrible things to continue to keep them out of trouble.

We all need to be held accountable. If we don’t learn this as children, we MUST learn it to live a happy life. I am so sick of the victim-stance that so many take. They wail and moan about how badly they have it, only it is THEIR doing. But we don’t want to see this either.

And we blame others until, finally, there is an intervention with legal authorities. Then we are up in arms and angry that they are “harassing” us. What a wonderful gift recovery is! What a great way to live…grown up and responsible and disciplined by myself, rather than putting it into the hands of the rest of the world. Yay!

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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