July 27

PATIENCE MONTH: DAY 27: “I realized that the deepest spiritual lessons are not learned by His letting us have our way in the end, but by His making us wait, bearing with us in love and patience until we are able to honestly to pray what He taught His disciples to pray: Thy will be done.” ― Elisabeth Elliot

I know that a lot of addicts will talk about how they “surrender.” I don’t. I did not surrender. I GOT surrendered. And continue to be.

This means that I don’t just lay things down. I am not that kind of addict. I hold on to some of my ideas and beliefs until they make my hands bleed and I am face-down, one more time, in the mud and gasping for air.

That is how it happens to me. I have been able to “let go” of a few old ideas, but they usually have to cause me sufficient pain before I am ready to do that. I happen to believe that we GET surrendered by our addictions and obsessions. That they will bring us to that painful place of being on our knees, begging for removal before we die in holding on to them. That is my kind of addiction and what it takes for me to get to a surrender. I don’t have the ability to just do that for myself.

Then I receive the Grace of the addiction being removed. The obsession. I don’t know how to remove it for myself, never have. I am good with that. It explains Powerlessness to me. I am still powerless over so many things. Grateful for the grace when those obsessions are removed.

This, I believe is the process we are talking about here where nothing happens until I am good and done with that obsession, whatever it may be. It may be drugs or alcohol, a man (or men), a home, a job, a financial situation, usually something I REALLY want to keep (but has been shown to be detrimental to me in a million ways!)

Or something I REALLY want to have (but has been shown to be detrimental to me in a million ways!) I do not know what is best for me, and this has been shown to me in a million ways…lol.

So, I have deep abiding respect for that process where I get to see how little I know about what is best for me. A recent experience has given me this gift again. And I love these gifts. I seldom get that obsessed with something; but I see how vulnerable I am to my way of wanting something I do not really need to have. Thank God it works out on my behalf.

And I am so happy to let the Universal Power remove these painful things from me. And then I can see the insanity, one more time. I am not done here, thank goodness. So, it must be going to be a long-term condition whereby I get to keep recovering from myself. Yay!

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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