PATIENCE MONTH: DAY 28: “Even at your darkest times don’t lose faith, don’t give up because even light shines the brightest in pitch black. Just be patient and believe, believe in yourself, believe in God.” ― Meeran W. Malik
I have had to practice the principle of “fake until you make it” in this arena. I had no faith in anything, except that I could turn the best of things into pure crap. That, I had proven, again and again. It was a tough road to faith for me. I fought so hard against the idea that I could be successful, happy, a good person, or that anything worthwhile could come into my life.
So, I had great faith in NO God for many years. This has been a long road for me. The longest of my life. To believe in Goodness, Truth, Honor, Integrity, Love, Hope…all of these principles…was such a long time in coming for me.
When many people read these little snippets I enjoy writing, they do not understand how long this took, nor how far it is from where I started. It seems that I just sprung up sober and loving life from no place in particular. Not true. I have fought the battle of the screaming Ego (Screaming Purple Monkeys! SPM) since I was born.
That took me into some dark and lonely places, just like you. We all get these experiences, but they may be colored with different crayons. My darkest times came from abuse and believing so deeply that it was all I would ever get from the world around me. I did not understand the other side of this stuff. It brings me to a place of deep and abiding love and gratitude.
We all have a journey. But our beliefs color that journey with some pretty horrible stories and we are prone, by our diseased minds, to believe those stories, until we learn differently. Recovery, for me, is the process of letting go of those beliefs. Beliefs about people, about life, about what happened to us before this day, and how we color that is going to be the source of our own happiness or unhappiness.
There is never going to be enough from the outside to do this…not enough money, love, success, or anything to create that happiness. It is only when we let go of ALL of that and move into the excavation of our way of seeing the world and gaining a new perspective, based on a new perception, that we gain love and happiness…true freedom!
But, the catch is that it is a slow, very slow, process. We will get there, but we must practice a tremendous amount of patience. As we do, we gain the faith that we never had before. I love this shit!