July 17

PATIENCE MONTH: DAY 17: “Incessantly demanding that I am given some ‘thing’ today may very well destroy the role that it was going to play in my life tomorrow.” ― Craig D. Lounsbrough

Oh…this is one I KNOW from so many experiences with being a demanding asshole. So well. Ugh! I have been terribly impatient with myself, mostly, so much of my life. And I have pushed myself into corners where I could not come out, except on my knees, quite often.

That is how it works. Another gardening analogy that has always worked for me is the idea of planting seeds and then digging up the fragile shoots just before they break through the soil covering them. Part of the important development of a young plant is when they send that shoot up from the ground. Without careful tending, the shoot dies.

So, I have planted a lot of seeds and then killed the fragile young shoot before it got to break ground. That is completely counter-productive. Completely.

And another analogy is a mother bird pecking open the shell of the egg of one of its babies before it is ready to hatch. The baby breaking through the shell is what is  necessary for the young chick to survive. If the shell is removed too soon, the baby chick is not going to live.

I have pushed processes, relationships, jobs, people (so many!), seedlings, and a lot of baby chicks past their allotted time in my life.

These lessons come with high price tags. And I have paid them, so have become unwilling to do so any longer. I still push myself on occasion, but not nearly as brutally as I once did. Time and age have softened some of these demands I place on myself. I hope they are gone before I finish this time and place. Life goes at life’s pace. I do not always understand that, but I am certainly a great deal more patient with it all.

I do love this quote, because I know what happens when I try to push. I ruin the thing that I am pushing for. It takes a great deal of the spontaneity and joy from living. That I have experienced as well. I really want to be able to sit still and let the Universal Power surprise me with what is coming.

I am that person who, for so many years of my life, could NOT allow a gift to be sitting in my home or even in my home as a child. I found every Christmas present and unwrapped it whenever it came into the house. I could not be stopped or fooled. My parents tried every trick and every hiding place. I always knew what my gifts were on Christmas morning. I wrapped them all back up, but no surprises for me.

And I have done that my entire life. I put them back under the tree, but always unwrap them way before time. That ruins all the surprises for me. I am learning to let life unfold in her own time and in her own way, because timing is 100% of what life is all about. And I am tired of killing things that could be so much more beautiful if I just learn to wait. Ah yes! So many lessons!