June 18

HUMILITY MONTH: DAY 18: “humility is beyond our reach. if it were a product of reaching, we would instinctively be proud of reaching it. it is a gift.” ― John Piper

I had this discussion with my sponsor yesterday. That we cannot name ourselves humble, even for a moment, because it means we are NOT that.

Whenever I do something that is resembling humility, it surprises me. Not my regular, default setting, to be sure. We get so much grace in this thing.

Just recognizing that I live in grace is sure to create more humility for me. I have a tendency toward competence and “get ‘er done” in my life. I go after things with a certain amount of surety that I can accomplish whatever I set out to perform.

In spiritual matters, my greatest sense of frustration is that once I get to a place of comfort with that Power, it is gone nearly as quickly as I blink my eyes. I have had long hours (sometimes even a whole day!) of feeling connected and plugged in to the Power, only to wake up the next morning with a sense of complete loss of that connection…sigh!

So, this battle with Ego (Screaming Purple Monkeys-SPM!) goes on…forever, it seems. This should not be a big surprise to me. I see it in others as well. Some of my greatest teachers and gurus have proclaimed this to be their story.

But, because I am an arrogant shit, I think I have it! Had it! Damn! So, the struggle continues, when I am not in the best of places, I am fearful that I am doomed to stay in that shit. The coolest part is that it quickly goes; and I am back at peace with me and you and the rest of the Universe. It lasts a much shorter time than it once did. Yay!

Progress, not perfection. Oh yeah! That sounds good enough for you. Why do I think my story should be any different? Well, there you have the eternal question…a source of great wonderment for me. I seem to believe (always!) that I am different…somehow special and entitled to a different  outcome…there it goes again! UGH!

Yeah, instinctively proud of reaching it…shit!

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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