May 22

INTEGRITY MONTH: DAY 22: “The distance between your knowledge of truth and your obedience is called lack of integrity. And the amount of negative behavior–or lack of integrity–a person exhibits is directly proportional to their amount of pain.” ― Tara Leigh Cobble

This is a great way to know how we are doing within. I love the link between who we are, what we do, and how we feel.

You can act like a jerk all day and it doesn’t affect my sense of identity or integrity. However, the minute I fall into the gap between what I know is right and what I do, I am sunk. I lose all sense of self-acceptance and self-worth.

Drinking doesn’t cause these things. Addiction doesn’t cause these things. But WE DO. We lie and cheat and do things we know are unethical, and we believe that if we don’t get caught we are getting away with them.

There are no loopholes in honesty or integrity. There are no loopholes in ethical behavior. No right or wrong that we can wiggle out of. WE KNOW.

Our souls log every time we act without the guidance of our highest knowing and highest self. And we are in psychic pain that is unbearable. We may blame our unhappiness on a great number of “outside” factors, saying life is this or life is that.

The truth is, we have most likely sold our souls for prices that are far too small to be of any value when the pain is upon us.

We live in fear and regret and remorse when we live like this. That what we think we have to have to survive is going to be taken from us or that what we value is not going to sustain us. Because it is all of the ego. None of those things outside of us are going to make us happy.

Relationships will be challenging and change all the time. Others are not in this world to make us happy, so they will consistently disappoint. Life will be overwhelming when we are grasping at these things all the time and cram so much into our lives that there is no space to breathe.

Our bodies will age and break down and show all the signs of the abuse and neglect we have put into them. We expect others to take care of them for us or seek relief that comes in an instant when our psychic pain translates into heart problems, liver problems, breathing problems and others.

I know I must exercise and eat right. When I do not, over time, I am going to pay the price for that. This applies just as much to the quote above as anything else. And, I know I must be honest and integral, but am too lazy and will not tell you the truth, because it serves me to pretend our relationship is okay when it does not feel right to me at all. And I become angry and resentful with you.

I may have expectations about who you are in the relationship that are not realistic and have not discussed with you what you are willing to do or not do here. That must be addressed, or I am dishonest as much as you might be. I am not honoring my sense of what works for me and what does not. This is how we become so desperate and lonely and unhappy. It is no one’s fault but mine, because it is no one’s responsibility but mine. I love this quote!

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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