May 21

INTEGRITY MONTH: DAY 21: “Loyalty is all that matters to me. If you’re an honest person, I’ll be your friend for life. I don’t waste time with people who are fake or people who are trying to use you to get something. I don’t care about people who are afraid to say what they think.” ― Clint Malarchuk

When I was gathering quotes for this month, this one was new to me. It really resonated at that time, because of an event that had just transpired. Still does.

I have never been comfortable with those who blow smoke up my ass. I truly hate lying. It is something I have to accept from time to time, but my trust is GONE from that time on. And I don’t know how to be around people who I know have lied to me, even once.

We may not agree on things at times, and that is okay. But lying is something I do not know how to accommodate, no matter how much I want to move past it. And that is okay with me. I do not see that there is a reason for accepting that people need to lie to me.

Because I am a very strong individual, there have been many times in my life where others are attracted to that and want me to pull them along too. I get very quickly uncomfortable with that. Addicts want to identify sometimes so badly that they clamp onto those others they think are going to take them along on the ride.

I understand this. We all want to be drawn into the energy of those we strive to become more like in this thing. It is the law of attraction that we feel when we first walk into the meetings and find others who are walking the path we want to walk.

But, because so many addicts are quite lazy and unmotivated, many have done this who are completely not going to do the work I have done to get where I am. They truly seem to believe that it comes by osmosis. I have had this experience a number of times.

Talking about recovery isn’t doing the work. Thinking about it isn’t doing the work. What I know is that most of these people will never have what I have, because they don’t do what I do. They think it may rub off or they can get it by association.

Never gonna happen. After a while, their incessant denial of their need to do this work is wearing and I will let them know I am going to move on to someone who is willing to do the work. The BB talks about this. And I have read it quite a few (hundred) times, so I know where to go when that feels like what I am up against. I am doing no good to those who want to hitchhike on my recovery train. So I let them go to the depot alone.

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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