May 6

INTEGRITY MONTH: DAY 6: “I know that what you call ‘God’ really exists, but not in the form you think; God is primal cosmic energy, the love in your body, your integrity, and your perception of the nature in you and outside of you.” ― Wilhelm Reich

This speaks to me, again, of my concept of both ‘God’ and integrity. They are not separated. I dispute the integrity of anyone who is living with lying. And I also dispute their connection to any kind of spiritual way of life.

This is my opinion, based on my experience. I am having a struggle with this kind of integrity at this moment. It is actually easier than I want it to be. I know the truth and how I plan to deal with that. It is not difficult for me. I just don’t want to deal with it. Actually, I do. But I know there is fallout I am not willing to deal with yet.

So, the truth is the truth. How I live with that is up to me. I don’t have to live with your dishonesty. If it is affecting me, I step away. This has been very apparent to me in these last few months. I have stepped away from several situations where I knew I had to remove myself.

That sounds easier than I make it. There are stories around it all. And I am not good at pretending I am okay with things that don’t resonate for me. I just have to sit with the stories and let them play out.

How fun that almost every month my life reflects what I am writing about. It seldom fails to happen like that. Although I am actively working on another step entirely, there is a great deal of personal work I can always do on integrity and honesty. Always.

I like that in some ways, but not so much in others. I would really like to receive some kind of certificate that gives me credit for having done this for 33 years, but that is not how life works. I will get credit only for the cumulative effect, based on my spiritual condition today. It is easier than it was in the early years, but not altogether easy. Some things feel more cloudy.

There really is no cloudiness here, for me. I just want there to be some ambivalence around honesty. It would make life more interesting and simple today. Hahahaha…just as I wrote that, I got it. I am still negotiating and trying to con myself to get what I want. Ugh! Funny how that is for me. I guess for all of us. We are afraid of losing something we think we have. Yeah. I get that. Big time. But life is good when I walk in the sunshine of the spirit. Not so much when I do not.

Have a beautiful day…I intend to.

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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