May 4

INTEGRITY MONTH: DAY 4: “You are only afraid if you are not in harmony with yourself.” ― Herman Hesse

I am always the keeper of my soul. I cannot hide from that. I  cannot lie and convince my soul that the lie is true.

I have tried, in my early years, to find ways to con myself. I was seemingly successful at it. But I always knew the truth. And it never settled well in my heart or soul.

There is sometimes a price that comes with integrity. That I may not be able to do what I want or get what I think I want. I have learned that there are other things that will be brought to my door when I let go of the lies and the dishonesty.

My peace of mind is complete when I act within the frame of what is right and wrong for me. I have done this in times when I thought it  was an insane thing to do. It worked out in ways that are miraculous and beautiful. And I see the thread of integrity and where it goes over the long road. There are no short cuts I can take that work for me. I see that and know that.

But my crazy Ego will always tell me another story. Always. It is going to holler and jump up and down; Screaming Purple Monkey. And sometimes it is a challenge to me not to believe it. And sometimes I even try, but I cannot live with myself when I am dishonest. It is so uncomfortable, and I get so angry at me.

I am, today, willing to walk the road that leads me to the highest point I can reach. Whether or not I walk it alone is none of my business. But I want to always stay on the road that I have found. Soon I will know why life is so interesting. I may have my own story around this, but there is a higher story that I know will become clear some time very soon. I want to live in that story, not the one my SPM have for me.

I feel loved by the Universal Power on those days when I see the sign posts of the Good, Red Road as my Native teacher and Grandfather taught me. It is the journey of my soul that I am here to live out, not the journey of my ego. And I am grateful for the sign posts. They teach me well.

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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