April 1

HONESTY MONTH: DAY 1: “It is naive to think that self-assertiveness is easy. To live self-assertively–which means to live authentically–is an act of high courage. That is why so many people spend the better part of their lives in hiding–from others and also from themselves.” ― Nathaniel Branden

Today I felt like I did not want to write these any more. It might be true, or not. It might just be that doubting voice that lives with me always, and I will do it anyway. That happens a lot.

I liked this quote when I gathered them, because I am very self-assertive. I am also authentic to a degree that is sometimes uncomfortable for others. Actually, it is quite often uncomfortable. I am okay with that. It is not that I set out to shock others, it is just that there is nothing I feel uncomfortable about any longer.

I do not confuse honesty with opinions. There is a tremendous difference. Most people will blast you with their opinions and call it being honest. It is not. It is being opinionated and mean. There is no point in that.

I do not give others my opinions as often as I would like…haha. I have that old adage, “Don’t ask, don’t tell” from the military. It had nothing to do with opinions, but I find it to be a great rule. Unless you ask me (or if I sponsor you), I keep my opinions in my mouth. This is a great practice for all of us. No one likes to have another persons’ opinions unasked.

There is too much of this in the world. Honesty is something that only serves when it is practiced with myself. I MUST be honest with me. I can lie to you all day and probably be just fine. But when I lie to ME, I am doomed.

Self-delusion is a dangerous place to live. Denial runs the show. Then I am going to be defensive and prickly around all of my life. We all see this in those with secrets to hide. They don’t want to let anyone into their lives, because they are up to no good.

The lies begin to pile up and soon we are completely derailed from a spiritual path. That is how this works. It begins with small things and turns into a lifestyle before you know it. I can remember the progression of my dishonesty in the life I had before I came to this recovery thing. I can see the patterns of denial and self-delusion in those I work with and how they work to cover up their insanity and lies. It is not pretty. And their defensiveness when confronted is brutal. But, it is their journey to walk. I have learned my journey helps me walk away.

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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