March 13

FAITH MONTH: DAY 13: “Faith is universal. Our specific methods for understanding it are arbitrary. Some of us pray to Jesus, some of us go to Mecca, some of us study subatomic particles. In the end we are all just searching for truth, that which is greater than ourselves.” ― Dan Brown

And for some of us, all of these things are what we have faith in. I have faith that everything is going to change. Others cling to old ideas and their subsequent discomfort with life.

Some believe that life is miserable and full of pain. I believe that it is magical and full of promise and hope. We all get to have faith in what we want.

I do know that when I believed in misery and pain, that is what I got. When I believed in my own abilities and ran my life, I got more of that misery and pain. When I am the one trying to pull myself up by my bootstraps, I am working all the time to overcome life’s circumstances. I am not well equipped for that. It wore me out and wore me down.

When I learned to let life flow and let myself unbend and flow with it, I got to learn acceptance and began to see the beauty of it all. Not once in a while when it was going the way I wanted it to, but when I truly let go and saw why I was uncomfortable or trying to swim against the current.

THAT is so uncomfortable and miserable! Ugh!

Long before I took drugs or alcohol, I believed life was horrible. I believed I was inadequate and became filled with anxiety and insecurity. I believed it would never end and wanted OUT all the time. I had no hope. Drugs and alcohol gave me the freedom from this thinking by saying F___ it! I could pretend not to care.

Then I would come out of the high and be even more miserable. The false hope of drinking and drugging was replaced by the certainty of seeing without the veil what was happening.

It is like eating sugar when you feel tired, or drinking caffeine. You get a few minutes of buzz, only to be let down even more when it wears off. Two more very powerful drugs that many addicts are still addicted to. There are  a lot of them. Many have faith that they are the answer. They are not. There will be disappointment that they do not do what they promise, any more than booze or heroin or cocaine.

What we put our faith into is going to be what we are let down by. Is it medical science? It will disappoint you. Is it a congregation or group of followers of any religious body? It will disappoint you. Is it science itself? It will disappoint you. Is it your family? It will disappoint you. Whatever we put our faith into to fight life and win is going to let you down. Why?

Because life isn’t a fight. It is an experience. We have to embrace it and allow it. There is nothing more to do. Know that you will like some of it and dislike some of it. But fighting it will kick your ass. It is always going to be the way it is. Make peace with your part and let it unfold.

I have faith that I will be shown what my path is every day. Some days I get caught up in shit that is not really my path. I can do it and pay the price, or I can step away and let it go. My part is small, and I love that. And I have faith that I will always be given choices about things that feed my spirit or feed the monkeys. I know which ones I want to feed.

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Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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