February 6

HOPE MONTH: DAY 6: “Plant seeds of happiness, hope, success, and love; it will all come back to you in abundance. This is the law of nature.” ― Steve Maraboli

Yes! We can only reap what we sow…seeds of good things bring crops of good things. I am not the best me I can be yet, but I am better every day. There are some things coming up in me right now that are interesting to sit with.

But, sit with them I will. And practicing a new way of looking at what is  going on. I hope to always have new eyes and new vision. This is the way I grow. To see from a different space what is happening, to shift the perspective and own my stuff. Recovery, yay!

But I want always to spread kindness and laughter. Encouragement and hope…especially hope. This is the mantra of who I am working to becoming. It is a good and righteous road, I know, because good and righteous things come to me here and the gifts are great.

That was not always the case. There is still a lot of discomfort to learn from, but it is ingrained habit in me now to look at me more often instead of you. Who really, then is the asshole? Usually me. I got to explain Screaming Purple Monkey to a friend last night. It made me laugh about how I begin a weird story and develop it into a toy that is riding in my car…life is astonishing in how we get to manifest the things we put into it.

Hahahaha…thank God it is something like a toy that actually screams and is a purple plastic monkey…wow! I made him up and there he is. I have had this experience thousands of times since I have come here. I create an image, an idea, a story, and get full manifestation from those seeds I have sown…over and over again.

I used to do that in the old life too, but all that manifested was a terrible chasm of downward and spiraling sadness, dismay, unhappiness, self-pity, and rage. That is exactly the opposite of what recovery brings to me today.

I keep telling everyone I am God’s favorite kid and I keep getting evidence…piles and piles and piles of it…miracles all around me to verify its’ truth. Isn’t that lovely? It is what I used to yell  for when I talked to God. I don’t really pray…but I used to dare God to make my life amazing and to clean up the messes I kept making…damned if it doesn’t work. And all I do is the footwork.

I pay the bills, one day at a time, and get out of debt. I work these steps, a day at a time, and I quit hating me so much. I quit whining and look at my blessings every day and soon that is all I can see. I show up and soon I am feeling adequate and responsible and integral. I quit stealing and soon my good flows to me in crazy and unimaginable ways. I claim ownership of all these miracles, (and many, many more!) and they continue to grow.

NOW, if that ain’t proof of recovery and some kind of Power (whose name does not matter), I don’t know what IS!

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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