January 12

ACCEPTANCE MONTH: DAY 12: “Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” ― Lao Tzu

When we are young, we do not understand this flow. We fight it and develop very strong muscles for that fight…called in psychological terms, ego defenses. These are pretty much the same tools we end up calling character defects when we come around here.

In the normal course of human development, we would begin to put ego defenses down at the age of 18 or so, because they hamper healthy human interface. This is very important as we grow into this age, because we are physically and psychologically programmed for mating and coupling.

However, since we are very immature in the development stages, some of us are holding on to these ego defenses into our 50s, 60s and way past the time when they are of any use or purpose to us in life. We have not yet been able to master life without the fight.

So, we continue to circle the drain of using immature ego defenses to battle what we don’t like about life. Very unattractive to others as we get to a certain age…really? Anything past 15 or 16 is unattractive to most folks.

This is the process of life. When we are young, we are busy having experiences in life, full of energy and with little or no processing of those experiences into learning. That is all we are doing…gathering information and accumulating experiences.

As we develop past the ages of 25-30, we are supposed to begin to teach others (mostly our children) the lessons we have gathered from the experiences. However, most of us are not mature enough emotionally or psychologically to have truly learned from those experiences. So, we just harangue them with platitudes and opinions. We ALL know the difference between what others share as their experience and when they are giving us their opinions.

So, we have not yet incorporated these lessons into wisdom. And guess what happens? We continue to fight life…head on…demanding that it serve up to us what we think we are supposed to get. We want the money, the partner, the houses, the cars, the careers, the acclaim…all the things that serve our ego…why? We are still stuck in that phase of development and pissed off, because we have not learned that these are not sufficient to feed the spirit.

Maturity knows that ego gratification is not the ticket for happiness. Immaturity is still stomping its feet and screaming for life to give in to its demands. Immature ego defenses…omg!

In every spiritual tradition, we are given this same information, over and over again. However, we truly believe, because we are just giant egos walking around with legs, that we are special or different than what is being taught. The exception to the rule. The prima donna, the precious one. Not true, just the immature brat who is pushing others out of their way in their rush for gratification and demands being met. It is so, so, so unattractive to others. We have no humility, which IS attractive…along with all the other SPIRITUAL principals.

Perhaps there is a reason that the BB states that our “egos HAVE to be smashed…” Hhhmmm???

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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