December 27

LOVE MONTH: DAY 27: “Grace is in the awakening. Gratitude is in the acknowledgment. Peace is in the acceptance. Love is in the embrace.”  –  Julie Parker

Thank you Miss Parker! I really love this quote…because it speaks to the process of recovery, for me. I love the idea of moving from one to another, over and over again.

My process through these 12 steps is like that. I receive Grace long before I know it. It took about 7 years for me to fully recognize and embody the Grace. Before that, I still had so much ego (Purple Screaming Monkeys-SPM) to deal with that I thought I was the one who was doing this work and staying sober. And I would tell you all about that…ugh!

Then the 7 years of Gratitude practice paid off in a significant awareness (awakening) that I was not the author of that. It was that Power I found so elusive and completely foreign to my life. I knew (intellectually…SPM again!) that I was not really the thing keeping me sober, but I could not give that credit to anything else for a long time. Gratitude truly helped me acknowledge and become humble enough to receive it without strutting around and telling you…”But I am ___ years sober…blah, blah, blah…”

And THEN I could Peacefully accept all of it. It allowed me to continue to unfold into the Power and BE at Peace, without having to run the show so much…it has lessened every day since then. And then, and only then, could I fully Embrace and Love this way of life.

Prior to that, it felt like a struggle, a determined effort to NOT drink or drug. Since then, that is not the goal. The goal has been to expand and grow my Awakening, Acknowledging, Acceptance and Embracing of whatever the Power places in my path. I recognize and KNOW that it is my journey and it is laid out in a way that I can only move into it and let it be that.

I have little or no connection to those who are only here to stop drinking. That was removed on Day 1. The rest is to discover why my Ego (SPM) is so intent on being afraid of life that it needs to control and manipulate all of what takes place every day and run the show. Why it needs to sit around and believe that I am in charge of anything.

Even here, I only get to make one decision after I am awarded this awakening of Grace. Step 3 is all there is. And a lot of people lose sight that this is ALL there is. And then I am free to just BE. How cool is that? No bells, no sirens, no pronouncements are needed. Quietly and peacefully moving into life and not at the helm of driving it. Life will go on beautifully for everyone, even when I step away…probably better when I step away. This is so wonderful! I am so happy to have this quote to remind me today of just how f—-d up life is when SPM is in charge and how beautiful when Power is. Yay!

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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