December 28

LOVE MONTH: DAY 28: “How many slams in an old screen door? Depends how loud you shut it. How many slices in a bread? Depends how thin you cut it. How much good inside a day? Depends how good you live ’em. How much love inside a friend? Depends how much you give ’em.” ― Shel Silverstein

This is a sweet quote, isn’t it? I like the analogy of the bread and the screen door. I don’t think, though that the screen door gets worn out by how loud you shut it. I think it is how many times you open it.

But I am being antagonistic with that…perhaps a bit too analytical…moi??? Okay. I am.

Anyway, I love how much good can be in a day. There is one day of my life that I will always consider one of the greatest ever.

It was shortly before Christmas, like the first week in December, a few months before my husband died. He was still fairly healthy, at least enough to go out. There were SO MANY magical moments in that day that it stands out in my mind forever. I have a ton of pictures of it, because the Universe gave us a tremendous set of circumstances, so inspiring and synchronistic. There were several people who came into the day to give us their blessings and magical presence.

I always think about how crammed full of miracles and joy that day held for us. We all were blown away by how it unfolded and the interplay of relationships with everyone there. It could not have been orchestrated by me or him, but it happened, nonetheless. At the end of that day came another person who destroyed all our good feelings in a single sentence. Her horrible self-centeredness and thoughtlessness were like a knife that stabbed me in the heart, because I watched what she said cut my husband to the core. I wanted to kill her! And I let her know she needed to leave, although she was supposed to stay overnight with us. She had traveled quite a way to be there, but she was not welcome to stay.

We did not let that end the good in that day. It went on after she left. We had an amazing evening as well, without her. I like this story, because it also reminds me that I gave my husband all the love I was capable of in our time together. I have never regretted anything about our time together, because I was present. We both were. It was amazing. And the more love I gave him, the more that came back. It was not needy or  clingy, but came from our fierce independence.

It is wonderful to be reminded of great days. I am always going to love the ones that unfold in synchronistic perfection. Like coming to recovery. It never should have happened like it did. But there was no other way for it to all go. We get what we need when we allow it to come from the Source of all that is good. The worst day of my life turned into the day I will always celebrate and love more than any other. See how I cannot tell the difference? My judgments need to always be re-evaluated. I am not the expert at what is good or what is bad. I love that, too!

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Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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