December 15

LOVE MONTH: DAY 15: “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” ― Oscar Wilde

I love myself, mostly I love my life and how I get to be in it. Every day is a new grace. The mornings when I wake up (all of them so far!) are beautiful.

I don’t always wake up embracing the morning, but I seldom stay in a cranky mood. By the time I finish my readings, I am feeling at least curious. Then I meditate and journal and do my gratitude list and I am now fueled and ready to go.

At the end of every gratitude list, I put “Thank you for this day and all it brings.” And I draw a pretty squiggle after that to remind myself to  embrace whatever may happen in the day. I am not always willing to do that. But I love it most of the time.

Time has become very elastic for me. It stretches and contracts in funny ways. Some things seem to take forever, and others race by. I am aware of each dynamic and sit with either way, or just the passing of the moments as they do.

I remember when I was about 12 years sober, I married myself. I wanted to be in love with someone who was going where I was going and doing what I was doing, so I married myself and made a lifelong commitment to love me first and foremost. The Power that lives in me is the Source of that love and the recipient of it as well. That is so cool!

And I have never waivered in that love. Sometimes I am upset and angry with myself for things that I do or ways that I think, but I still am in love with Kelly. And excited most days that I get to be me. What a shift!

I was my most hated enemy at the end of the drinking and drugging. I truly hated me and wanted me to die. Mostly because I was a lazy chickenshit who did not want to dig myself out of any more of the messes I kept making. I was tired. Really, really tired.

Now I am excited and full of joy and bubbling over a lot of the time. Kind of a pain in the ass to some people, but I don’t care. One of my favorite sayings in the BB is “we are not a glum lot.” And I, for one, certainly INSIST on enjoying life. So, I do this stuff and I get the gifts. And I love it, so I do it some more, ad infinitum… I love it!

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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