October 6

DISCIPLINE MONTH: DAY 6: “Discipline is the thing that makes you do what you might not want to, but you do it anyway because it’s what you have to do in order to get what you want or desire.” ― Kyle Vidrine

I did not want to be “sober” when I got here. I did not want to EVER stop drinking and using drugs. I landed in the place where they sat on me for 90 days and I got willing very slowly. One day, it all shifted. I don’t remember where or when, but it did.

THEN, it was on! I wanted to be the STAR of recovery, the center of every group, the middle of the Oreo cookie that was the rooms of NA and AA. I was so on fire. This has NOT changed for 32 years. I hope it never does.

I want ALL the goodies…not just abstinence and not using or drinking! I want ALL the Promises…every day, all the time…for ever and ever…amen!

I have never settled for half of anything. Or just okay from anything. I want the A+ in every class…I want the crème de la crème of recovery…the apex of this mountain. So I do this work over and over again, looking for any small particles of self will or dishonesty that I can find, because I want them gone from my life. I don’t have room for the biggest miracles to live in the space where the trash is still in the kitchen.

So, I empty the trash, and let the garbage man take it away. I don’t care what the story is around the trash, I know how this “ism” shit works. It convinces me that old ideas and secrets and gossip and TRASH are my life and my story, and I need to cling to them like they are precious treasure.

And I do NOT settle for yesterday’s miracle! I want another one (or ten or twenty) today! New ones, bigger ones, brighter and shinier ones…and I get them…every day, all the time, 24 x7. Yay!

I want and desire the biggest, best, happiest, most amazing Kelly in the most wonderful life ever! And I get her day after day, year after year, all the time! It is so lovely and perfect…what a joy! What a life! And I am sad for those who settle for just getting by, for just making it through the events of their lives. I see it all as a celebration! A feast! A wonderment! Let’s do this some more…loving it all!