September 13

FREEDOM MONTH: DAY 13: “The things people say of a man do not alter a man. He is what he is. Public opinion is of no value whatsoever. Even if people employ actual violence, they are not to be violent in turn. That would be to fall to the same low level. After all, even in prison, a man can be quite free. His soul can be free. His personality can be untroubled. He can be at peace. And, above all things, they are not to interfere with other people or judge them in any way. Personality is a very mysterious thing. A man cannot always be estimated by what he does. He may keep the law, and yet be worthless. He may break the law, and yet be fine. He may be bad, without ever doing anything bad. He may commit a sin against society, and yet realize through that sin his true perfection.” ― Oscar Wilde

A lovely quote that was new to me. I really love the sweetness and the gentleness of this quote. It is all true, I believe.

We are not what the world may tell us. We are all a combination of our experiences and how we navigate the aftermath of those experiences. Because our culture may allow us to be abused or mistreated at a certain time in our lives, we have the ability to walk away from that experience with a changed heart and mind. We can learn to believe differently about those experiences and get down to cleaning up our own messes.

This is the process of maturation. I never wanted to be a mature adult. I like being a bratty child and acting out to get attention. This is the addict personality as I see it. Constantly throwing temper tantrums to get what I think I need and want.

An ongoing, never-ending, unfilled vessel of needy and bratty, entitled behavior. What a great gift I bring to this world! And see you all as assholes for not appreciating how awesome I am! HAHAHA! It is wonderful to see that I am not only an alcoholic, but an asshole most of the time.

Oh! And I am shocked that everyone expects me to act any differently. Yeah, well…

Today I can clean up my shit and be a grown up, act maturely (as much as I am able at this time), and get on with enjoying life as it appears to me each day.

I may still FEEL or think like a tantrum-y 2-year-old, but I have learned to keep that crap to myself. It is none of your business to deal with or appease me. YAY!