FREEDOM MONTH: DAY 14: “Trauma is personal. It does not disappear if it is not validated. When it is ignored or invalidated the silent screams continue internally heard only by the one held captive. When someone enters the pain and hears the screams healing can begin.” ― Danielle Bernock
I put off this writing today, because I knew I wanted to focus on it the best, and there were several other things going on at my house. So, now…here we are!
We all have an ego…which tells us that we should never, ever disclose the things that we carry around from our past. We come to this place and begin to do this work, and we have resentments, anger, sadness and so on around things that have happened. It does not matter what the nature of the trauma is, almost all of us have it. The older we are, the harder it is to let go of it. We think (!) it is over and done with because it happened a long time ago and we have “moved on.”
Yeah, well here is the thing about THAT. None of us have. We have buried those feelings and those memories as deeply as possible, locked them in the closet with the long-ago child they happened to, and listened to Ego tell us that it is handled. But it isn’t. As long as we were doing active duty in the trenches with alcohol and drugs, we were not able to process those emotions deeply enough for healing. It just is NOT possible to do that.
Maybe we believe we have worked through it by telling others the story. Nope! Not the process. So, we can honestly begin to HEAL only when we work through those feelings and beliefs in the steps and continue to process them, over and over, until there is no residual stuff around the events. Burying that shit will keep us loaded, we ARE as sick as our secrets.
And the more we refuse to heal and grow up those kids, the angrier we will be. The more we refuse to believe that it matters any more, the more resentful we will be. We look around and find others to be angry and resentful at, but the finger always points back to US.
All of us are hostages to this shit. ALL of US. There is no escape, there is no magic pill, which is what got us here in the first place, remember?
It amazes me how long some folks will hold out with their shit around this. Their Egos are working over-time and getting high pay and benefits and they are dying inside. There is no freedom until all the shit is on the table. There is no peace until all the shit is brought up and out and processed.
We have to let go of EVERY single moment of the life that led us here…all of it. No way around it, no side tracks to divert the energy. It is eating you and you and you alive. Let it out! Begin to walk with the rest of us in the sunlight of the spirit…I love this!