HUMILITY MONTH: DAY 26: “Humility is not a onetime lesson that comes when you have lost everything. It is a daily reminder of how far we have come, yet still short of who we can be through HIS guidance. Blessed is the soul that can recognize that he isn’t moving mountains, but God is for him.” ― Shannon L. Alder
We grow consistently toward spiritual fulfillment, as we grow farther from that place where we begin. Not all addicts are as far from that as others. We are all on a continuum of time and energy. To compare ourselves with one another is a brutal piece of abuse that cannot be allowed by those on a spiritual path.
There is no measure for you that works for me. As individual humans, our bonds are our search, our creation and our journey home. You may ride a horse, while I ride a Harley, it does not matter. What DOES matter is the journey. Some of us are not going to be able to stick this recovery thing out. Others will never know its peace or its work.
That is not our business. We are in process, we do not arrive. Every time I successfully perform a 12th step, in any format, I am guided right back to Step 1 by something greater than Kelly. This may be pain, or it may be peace, but I will always be guided.
I love that! There is a certain amount of comfort in the notion that I do not have all the answers, and that I may not even have any of the questions right. I may be asking how, and the question is really a matter of who.
I have been a great deal more humbled by receiving something than I ever have been with losing anything. When I realized I was not loaded for a few weeks in a row, which had never been possible without a tremendous amount of suffering, I was astonished. I had done what others before me had done and simply asked for that to be removed. I did not believe I had the obsession, but I asked for the actual need for drugs and alcohol to be removed, and it was.
Then, it came back! Shit! And I realized I could still ask for the need to be removed, and it kept being removed. Then I learned to simply sit in gratitude all the time and say, “Thank you for removing the need for drugs and alcohol for this day.” And I say it (write it…even better!) every day.
And it has not come back. Oh, yeah, the thought occasionally comes up…duh, ADDICT! … but I do not have a need for any of it.
I recognize not only that I cannot move mountains, but that I am not able to move much of anything without Divine Intervention. I believe it, I live it, I breathe it, and it is all because it has proven true for me more times than I can even speak about.