HUMILITY MONTH: DAY 27: “For the believer, humility is honesty about one’s greatest flaws to a degree in which he is fearless about truly appearing less righteous than another.” ― Criss Jami
Appearing less righteous than others is not the issue for me. I am always completely convinced that I will do battle with my spiritual connection on a daily basis.
This is more apparent to me today than it used to be. For obvious reasons, (I think), it is more important than it was in the beginning. Today I am clearer than ever that this is a process, not a destination for me. I am always going to be a seeker.
There are more frequent moments of spiritual connection for me, but they don’t last. I always thought I would arrive at some place where I could rest and be at peace with the whole idea of that Power I seek and long to connect with.
The flaws are not as deep and permanent as I once believed them to be. Although my ego is more uncomfortable to sit in as time goes on. It grows more unsuitable as I grow toward the place I most long to be.
I less frequently practice and participate in my character defects. They are not as important for me to spend time living with as they once were. I am more and more comfortable with stepping outside the dishonesty and delusion that used to be the only “safe” place for me to hang out.
I need to less and less often practice or participate in the ego defenses that used to be part and parcel of my way of life.
We get to be open and honest as we go through this. I am a pretty open person today. There is very little I am not open to discussing with others. I can admit my weaknesses and my disabilities. There was once a day when I believed I had none. This is to say that I was the only person who believed that lie.
My foibles and my flaws are so okay with me now. I love my humanity, my human-ness, my humble life, and the things that have brought me to this place.
Some of them (quite a few, actually!) had to be almost surgically removed, sadly. But now that they are gone, I am so happy to be free of them! Isn’t that funny? We most defend and cling to the things that are killing us! Like a drowning man who won’t let go of his gold bars to grab the lifeboat. The weight will drown him for certain, but he cannot let go.
We are all like that, I believe. I can see that tendency in all of us. We truly believe the things that are killing us the fastest are the only things we cannot live without. Look at our intent focus on never giving up drugs and alcohol. Then it is the jobs, the marriages, the kids, whatever is keeping us dragged down and unhappy.
These old stories are the most interesting ideas we refuse to let go of. Today, I have a few left, I am sure. But I don’t miss anything else that has been removed. It was all killing me, and today, I am free to live!