June 22

HUMILITY MONTH: DAY 22: “Such excessive preoccupation with his faults is not a truly spiritual activity but, on the contrary, a highly egoistic one. The recognition of his own faults should make a man humbler, when it is beneficial, not prouder, which the thought that he ought to have been above these faults makes him.” ― Paul Brunton

This is a brutal quote. I have waited a while to use it, because we are all pretty much guilty of being obsessed with our faults and mistakes and talking about them more often than our assets and the good coming into our lives.

I want to be always focused on my blessings, but it takes work. I spent so many years covering up any mistakes or defects that I had a very tough time with Step 6 and 7. I was either way above any defects or had so many I was doomed to never get any better.

This is true for many of us, at least every honest addict I have met so far. Since I know there are many I have not met, I also know that I may someday meet one who doesn’t have this going on.

And all of those I have met are truly firmly in belief that they should be above any defects. They get terribly defensive and upset when it is suggested that they may want to change their thinking, thus changing their behaviors and attitudes.

I read something very helpful to me this morning…always learning, I love that! It was a woman’s understanding and coming to terms with the differences between her beliefs and faith. Her example was perfect: As children, we have faith in Santa Claus; although we don’t necessarily believe in Santa Claus. I so get this!

I had to have faith in this program and the idea that a spiritual path could save me from the hell I was living in. I had this faith for my entire life, I just did not know how to make it happen for me. I thought I had to jump into a religious life all at once and be saved…”Go and sin no more” kind of thing. That is NOT it! My faith here came in the form of 12 steps that gave me strong direction in what to do, and how to do it. This grew my faith into something more solid.

Now I BELIEVE in this stuff, because I have put it to the test and found it absolutely miraculous in how I have been transformed and the shift it has brought into my life in every area possible. What a great gift.

Belief is an immutable, solid kind of thing. Very concrete. Faith is very shifting and changeable. We can all have faith in the day, the sun coming up, and so on.

What most of us do that can cause us trouble is to place our beliefs in things that are going to change and shift and sometimes disappear…money, jobs, cars, homes, weather, other people, and so on. I love this distinction.

And so, we can have faith in ourselves, in our ability to change and grow and become the people we secretly wanted to always be. I have had this experience. I am well satisfied with the way I have grown here. I NEVER expected it to be so. It started with hope and turned into faith. But I ain’t done yet, so I do believe I will keep going.  That is all…but it is everything…

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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