HUMILITY MONTH: DAY 20: “When things are going well, be mindful of adversity. When prosperous, be mindful of poverty. When loved, be mindful of thoughtfulness. When respected, be mindful of humility.” — Gautama Buddha
Today, my life is wonderful. For several years, there were some incredibly painful and scary situations for me to walk through. What caused my fear and pain? My resistance to sitting with the things that were going on. And my devoted attempts to change the narrative to one I was more comfortable with. This is the crux of all the pain I have ever experienced.
I am determined to focus all my attention and energy on that which does not please me. Why? Because I have a gigantic ego, and its only function is to resolve what I perceive (it perceives) as problems. So, that is the focus of all my (not inconsiderable) energy.
Learning to sit in quiet gratitude for what IS has been the greatest lesson (again!) and forever. I must do this all the time, in order to retrain that brilliant mind of mine to shift its energy toward the blessings and beauty with which I am surrounded.
I am mindful, without bringing fear into the conversation whenever possible, of the beautiful blessings going on for me today. They are only possible because of where I sat for several years. Not that those years are wasted. There was tremendous healing and astonishing insight and wisdom gained. There were some people who passed through that time with me…some are still here, some are not. That is all part of the process as well.
I must always remember that each person is a visitor to my life, as I am to theirs. I want to be mindful of the beauty of that exchange of gifts. We never know when it will be the last time we get to visit their life or they ours. I have few regrets about any of this because I understand the nature of the Universe and its ongoing need for growth and change and shifting.
There is nothing worse than not being able to let go of ideas or situations or people. Like we know something about the future. Most of the time, we are imposing our version of the past onto today and trying to recreate those moments that we were in some kind of control. This is the most damaging and painful thing we can do to them or to us. I hope I always treat others with an open palm, letting the energy shift and grow into what it is meant to be. This is as mindful of others as I have learned how to be. It may change again one day, but not yet.
Ideas about who we are must shift all the time. We must let go of those notions we have of our roles, our identity, our self-images and move into the truer forms we can live more comfortably inside. This is another form of not-knowing, letting it all go. I love this! Steps 4-7 are all about this transformation. We get to become more fully who we really are, no matter what we may believe about our self, our motivation, or our being-ness. We begin to grow into who we ARE, the creatures that were brought here for this journey. We are distinct, and we try so hard to blend in. It will never work. This, I know, is the greatest reason we are here. How can we recognize who and what the Power is, when we do not know or recognize his greatest works…ourselves?