June 7

HUMILITY MONTH: DAY 7: “I am proud to be what I am, and humble to accept what I am not.” ― A.S. Joseph Charles

I really am happy to say this is true. Really happy. It is a new level of recognition and acceptance for me. I know more about myself than ever before and accept it all. I told someone this morning that I am used to calling myself an “old” lady, but today I am going to start using the term “vintage” instead. Hahahaha! I love being who and what I am.

And that has taken more time than I care to admit to myself or anyone. I love that there are much younger women I know who can say this. I tried to be in that space in the first years of recovery, but the best I could say was I loved myself better than before. Today it is not a comparative value.

I am unconditional in the love and acceptance I have for ME because I have spent 32 years learning who and what I am.

This is not going to happen, at least for me, in those first 30 years. Hahaha…the biggest, deepest and most important work was just becoming possible in my 30th year. My greatest teachings are happening NOW. Oh! What great humility is this?

So, first and foremost, I am NOT young any longer. Okay. That is not culturally acceptable. I should be getting a ton of surgery and fighting my age with everything known to modern science. I am not doing that. I want to be in the sun every minute that I can, doing things that give me wrinkles. It is WAY too late to worry about consequences from the crazy life I led before I got here.

So, I embrace the scars and the injuries and the fullness of that time. I embrace the well-loved and well-lived in body and the spirit that is so much more willing than the well-lived-in body. I embrace the wisdom and the learning that all of these years of life have brought.

And I keep doing what I can and letting go of what I cannot do any longer. This is unconditional love for Kelly. The rest is just swimming upstream, in denial, trying to force this square peg into another round hole. I am grateful for that being over for today.

I may have another round or two of denial and trying to force my will on my life and the world around me, but today I am done with it. So happy! So at peace! So in love with who I am, whittled from the left-over pieces of marble I was created to be.

This is amazing stuff. I am not the best example of this recovery thing. I don’t want to be. But, I am one example and loving it more every day!

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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