June 6

HUMILITY MONTH: DAY 6: “Humility is the fruit of inner security and wise maturity. To be humble is to be so sure of one’s self and one’s mission that one can forego calling excessive attention to one’s self and status.” ― Cornel West

Lovely quote…wise maturity, huh? Well, that about explains it for me. I am not wisely mature. Therefore, I must toot my own horn all the time! Ugh!

And inner security is sometimes so fleeting for me that I cannot sit for long with that. These are the goals. I can be very wrinkled and infinitely unwise and immature as ever. I wonder when that will shift, even a little bit.

I don’t want to be wise…I want to be young and beautiful. I don’t want to be inwardly secure, I want the world to throw money and resources at me for no reason. Hahaha…I love it when I read these quotes and then tell you guys all the first things that come into my head. It is so freeing not to have to hide them or pretend they are not there!

This is why I love doing these writings so much! I expose myself and this process to you. Then I am open and vulnerable and can move into the next space. I don’t want to own these things about myself forever, which is why I examine what Step 6 does for me.

To be honest with you guys means I have to be more honest with me. I am a con artist and want you to believe I do all this shit and get so well…Hahahaha…isn’t that what each of us wants to believe? The truth is that very little has changed in my head. Oh! Yeah! Dammit!

There are no new character defects for me to uncover. Same old shit, different day. I just do not cling so desperately to them today as I once did. They are not gone…nah…no water walking for me, at least not this day.

But I spend less time working my nonspiritual muscles than I used to. I spend more time living with and practicing the spiritual ones. A great shift, to be sure. But Step 6 is never over for me. I still want parades and banquets and awards and prizes, very often with having done nothing other than been a maniac to begin with.

Humility is not only a strong challenge, it is something I would rather avoid altogether. In my mind, there is nothing to gain by being humble. And in my mind, it is absolutely impossible for me to get there. Because my mind is not a place for humility. It is the opposite…the seat of the ISM, the very place I am getting humble about.

The stuff I really need will never appear in my mind. Only in my heart and the way I walk through the world when I AM spiritually fit and humble.

Wise? Not yet, but at least today I think I would like to be.