March 19

FAITH MONTH: DAY 19: “Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservation.” – Buddha

I did not have this kind of trust for so long. It was a gradual process. And the faith that I have today cannot be had in that first, second or even tenth voyage around the steps.

While I may be more challenged spiritually than most, this is what I see in the rooms. Most of us are trying to manage and enjoy our lives long into this thing, a little less each time we hit that brick wall. It is important, for me, to recognize that my faith only grows more deeply when I have tried to take care of things “on my own” and crashed and burned.

Then, I see how it works out when I get out of the driver’s seat. Oh! My goodness! What a difference. It doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes still spend sleepless nights negotiating with the Universe or making myself crazy trying to “figure it all out.” Of course I do. My addict thinking gets a daily reprieve, and sometimes that is not available until later in the day…hahaha.

Deep down, my assurance and trust are there. What I do less and less often is allow the Screaming Purple Monkeys to tell me it won’t work out this time. That is always their default way of approaching things with their message of doom and gloom and certain dire consequences and outcomes.

Believing (I do!) in miracles is not an easy task with these guys around. That is our true dilemma, as I see it. Not only do we lack Power, but we don’t believe it will work when we get access to it! That, is truly the saddest part of all.

No matter how much proof I have of powerlessness and my inability to manage my own life and the world around me, no matter how much evidence we get around our addiction; we still insist (demand!) that we are in charge. I think this is heart-wrenching.

I see the results of my work, and I see the results of the work done by Universal Power. I know whose work suits me best and brings me greatest joy. However, the monkeys still get to play in there far too often. Just a lot less than they once did. Progress, this is what that looks like.

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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