FAITH MONTH: DAY 21: “Faith is, at one and the same time, absolutely necessary and altogether impossible.” ― Stanisław Lem
This dynamic holds true, no matter who we are. The most faith-filled people, some would believe, would be those who are ministers, nuns, clergy, etc. It seems to be their calling.
Yet, there are quite a few instances of those folks who have come out publicly to talk about their “crisis of faith.” This is a time when they either stepped away from this calling or went through a time when their faith was gone. I have read numerous accounts. I have heard a couple of speakers who were alcoholics and left their church ministry because they could not sustain their position in the church with their complete lack of faith.
I remember talking to priests and ministers throughout my life, searching, always searching for that connection with a Power. Somewhere, somehow, it MUST be real. So many people speak of their faith. When I was a little girl, it seemed that everyone had an idea of God, and I was not able to find anything that didn’t feel like a big old bully who wanted me to be someone else.
This, I think, is the challenge for us. If we did not have the ability to believe in SOMETHING, we could not and did not get sober. And, in any moment, the doubt and Ego we have running through our lives and driving us takes over and we are back in the bottle or the pills or the dope.
So, it is something we MUST have, and we cannot hang on to that. I believe THAT, right there, is the reason we can only do this thing One Day at a Time. We can sustain faith for that long, but not much longer.
I can plan my life around my faith for TODAY. Any more than that, and I am mired in doubt and fear. It is this way for everyone I have known here. I don’t know what is coming next.
Right now, I am looking out my window, next to my desk, watching the world being washed in a powerful rain storm that is supposed to create more damage to the world where I live with mudslides and washing away properties.
The screaming purple monkeys tell me to sit in abject terror and watch the news to see what is happening. I am not doing that. I am working on a large service project that is the culmination of over a year of work. It is very demanding right now, because we are down to the wire with the preparation and planning stages.
I did not even write yesterday, because I sent myself out of town to play for two days for my birthday and to get a break from this project. Today I am back at it.
Faith has told me to complete this project as if my work is going to matter. That means, I do not have time to dread the future. This is what I get in recovery. Rather than sitting, frozen in fear of what is coming, I am acting as if. That was one of my favorite things I learned in early recovery.
“Act as if…” As if the storm is not going to wash my computer and my work into the ocean. As if I am going to complete this project and have a successful event come of it. As if anyone out there is interested in what I am going to write for March 21st, 2018’s daily writing. This is what I know. And so, this is what I do. Impossible, until I “JUST DO IT.” Another of my favorite sayings. My motto. Let’s just all live this day and be in Faith. See ya!