HOPE MONTH: DAY 26: “We should ask God to increase our hope when it is small, awaken it when it is dormant, confirm it when it is wavering, strengthen it when it is weak, and raise it up when it is overthrown.” ― John Calvin
If we have no faith, we all still have a tendency to believe that something somewhere knows of our despair and anguish. We may be sure that no other person on the planet knows of our suffering, and when we get here, we may be most happily hopeful that these people are really certain of the stuff they are talking about.
I love the stories in the BB and the repeated assurances that people felt when they heard other alcoholics talking about their surprise to find each other. We are so sure that we are unique and all alone. That is the primary message of the Ego and the Screaming Purple Monkeys. (It is only you! Everyone else is just fine. You, however, are beyond redemption, if there were such a thing as a God or help of any kind available to someone as low as you.)
Do you remember? Do you still feel terminally unique and completely alone? I think this is the most universal of the weapons in the cache that the Screaming Purple Monkeys utilize. That incredibly self-centered and arrogant belief that we are the worst of the worst, that our sins are so heinous that there is no way we can ever get past the shit we have done and walk into those rooms (!) and be amongst those people (!) and tell them what we have done and who we are.
This made me laugh about 10 times while I was writing it! I love how we all believe we are the only ones! The self-centeredness and arrogance of these things makes me laugh and laugh. Why? Rule 62! We are not that damned important, nor are we that damned pathetic.
Our crimes are really kind of stupid, most of the time. What I have learned is that it ain’t about me anyway. I just think it is. Monkeys throw shit, I catch it and take it to heart, still monkey shit, but it is MY monkey shit…. hahahahahahahaha…aren’t we just ridiculous?
So, rather than walk through the world, Happy, Joyous and Free, we are deciding, all the time, to just be the most miserable piece of shit in the world. Why? Because our frigging Monkeys are screaming that we are worthless, undeserving and too horrible to be given the Grace we already received. What??????
Does anyone else ever think this? Only the most arrogant.
Hope is here! It is standing right in front of you. You are that damned thing called human and now you are an alcoholic human. Yikes! Get over it! Get on with the living of the life you have been gifted with (twice so far, maybe more!). Climb out of your pit of self-condemnation and sit with us. Laugh with us, recover with us. It ain’t so bad.
After a while, you will find out you are not that great, and you are not the bad. You are, quite frankly, rather ho-hum. My hope is to laugh, and to laugh, and to laugh, and to laugh… and recover; because, by God, them damned Monkeys are not going to take me down!