ACCEPTANCE MONTH: DAY 6: “There’s a drive in a lost soul—in one that is searching for acceptance, companionship, belonging, whatever you want to call it. The slightest coincidence ignites a spark that one hopes will lead to something meaningful.” ― Doug Cooper
This quote really spoke to my spirit when I read it. And again, this morning. There are moments in life where I have KNOWN I was in the right place, doing the right thing. It just happens; and because I want to always be in a mindful state, it happens for me a lot. Always has.
I recognize and own those moments when I knew it was all perfect and I could see the connections in what was happening for me. Coming into recovery had so many significant coincidental moments that I knew I was here by design.
That has never left. Today, there are so many of these moments that I laugh when they come up. In a tough morning yesterday, I got a great big coincidental reminder that I am loved and blessed beyond what I could ever imagine. It was wonderful! And, I laughed and sang the “Thank you God” song, because I had been feeling somewhat overwhelmed and very emotional. I love it when I feel the connection and the love flows into my heart.
I have been such a lost soul for such a long time. It is amazing that I get to do what I get to do in this world, because everyone believes I am strong and resilient and full of faith. And, in this moment, I am. There is always a longing in me, though, for that sense to be with me at all times. It is not like that. I get what I need in the moment I need it. Never before, never too soon. Just when I need it.
Because I tend to look ahead, I get anxious about things that are not here yet. It is the nature of my “ism” to do that. And I want assurances and guarantees and a safety net, before I need them. Kind of like a savings account of a spiritual nature. Never gonna happen. But, I want what I want. And then I get what I NEED right in the moment of the need. This is amazing! And, even though it happens ALL THE TIME, I get afraid the next time, and the next time, and the next time.
So, my doubt is always fed by Spirit. And yet, I doubt. This is such a big concept for me. And for the folks with whom I get to go deeply into this stuff. They are my angels who walk with me through the scary stuff and we get to share with each other these things. A couple of them read these. And then, my sponsor, who doesn’t. I am grateful for these spiritual warriors, they are my rock when I feel ungrounded.
And the rest of those who are on their path, whenever we intersect and share, it is good to see where we all come from. And I get to see how far this thing has brought me. I am grateful for that too. And I never, ever, ever shortchange the need and beauty of Hope. But that one is for Step Two next month. Today, I want to remain in Acceptance and continue to receive those things that make me sing “Oh Thank you God…” over and over again. They are everywhere, all the time. We just need to pay attention and Accept that they are there when we need them. But never before that moment.