December 31

LOVE MONTH: DAY 31: “You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” – Buddha

As wisdom traditions and spiritual texts have all stated, we cannot love outside of ourselves until we can love, unconditionally, and without judgment, ourselves.

Even though we have these steps in recovery where we look at our character defects and transgressions against others, this is the necessary process for us to follow in order to fully accept that WE are the authors of all our troubles. That WE are the ones who destroy and maim our spirits and lives to the extent that we do.

There is no story of a helpless and innocent victim who is preyed upon by the world around them and then thrust into the void of life with no skills with which to maneuver. Although there is great social and personal structure to support this story, we are able, as adults, to see the truth in how things get broken and stay broken, as long as we believe these stories.

And denial doesn’t work. We have to own our shit and then we can make peace with it. This takes time and a great deal of work. We get to sit with all the anger and guilt and shame until it becomes transformed, through the application of this process, over and over again. I love that! We became the monsters we accused others of being.

Until we can accept and own our part and heal the beliefs that drive the monster, we just keep doing what got us here in the first place. No matter how ugly that is, great transformation and healing is possible, if diligently worked for.

This is the greatest act of love I know. To believe that my own personal healing is possible, and then put in the time and effort that takes is the only path to true love I know of. Throughout all of the literature I have ever read and studied, this is the path I have been led to follow. There is no day when I get to take a “break” and stop this process.

The more I get, the more I want…duh! Addict!! Okay, so if feeling good has always been the goal, why are there so few who can handle this work? I mean, very, very few. To say we are lazy is such a gross understatement. We believed we got relief and peace from drugs and alcohol. We did. And we want to be done with recovery when we put 10 minutes of work into a step and call it a day. I get it.

But, I guess this is the real shit. I get what I put into anything. I am not, nor have I ever been, lazy. I am motivated, by this love I get for myself and my life. Every step of the way, I have wanted only to receive more of this. I am an addict, and I love this, so why would I stop?

And I truly feel this way, as the Buddha says, that this is MY work, MY life, and I am worth the effort, the work, and the journey. It is incredible and such a tremendous blessing. I don’t ever want to stop! If I find things I admire in the Universe that other people do or BE, I can honestly see that these are qualities I can aspire to. And that is the journey, so I believe. An inside job, a travel through myself and into myself; to love and honor the person I most hated and wanted to kill when it began. What an interesting thing this is! Peace and blessings for your journey!

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

Leave a comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s