December 29

LOVE MONTH: DAY 29: “Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.” —- Peter Ustinov

Most of you know that I don’t believe deeply in the term “forgiveness” or the concept, per se. I believe we get Grace from the Universal Power that allows us to heal those things that we do and believe that cause us to hate and condemn ourselves.

That is an act of Divine Intervention on our behalf. We cannot become worthy of Grace. We can either embrace it and move into the loving space it gives us to heal, or we can deny it and stay stuck in old ideas and patterns of behavior. Even without drinking or drugging, the same anger, pain and resistance to life keeps us stuck and miserable.

So, forgiveness is not a concept I believe we are capable of. The best we get to do around here is learning to ACCEPT ourselves and others. We learn to do this with life, and with that person we were trying so damn hard to kill, and then we can pass it on to others.

I find that forgiveness is too arrogant a stance for me. I don’t want to find you guilty, therefore, I don’t want to have to forgive you. I will, at best, accept that you are human and do things I find puzzling or that I don’t like. Most of the time, I really need to look at it, because you are teaching me something. Always teaching me something. About you or about me. Why are you here? What is the lesson? If I am all caught up in judging and condemning you, I have missed the point.

At this time in my life, I am happy as hell to embrace the lessons, because my experience has been that they are going to keep showing up until I get the point. Okay! Enough! I have NOTHING to forgive anyone for, ever. That is the job of a Power much greater than I will ever be.

So, Love, to reframe this quote, is an endless act of acceptance, a tender look which becomes a habit. When I am busy accepting myself and all my foibles, I can accept you and keep accepting life. Don’t worry, we are going to talk about this for a whole month (January, Step 1) ALL about Acceptance! Woohoo!

This is the greatest lesson I know. I don’t have to like you or what you are doing, but I have to love you. This is the thing I got from Chuck C. I don’t think there is a greater lesson in life. Total and radical acceptance of ALL OF IT! No matter what I think or feel or believe about it.

All 12 of these steps are designed to take from me this resistance I have to acceptance. THAT IS THE ONLY THING I AM HERE TO DO! To make peace with life, just the way it is! My inability to do that is the reason and purpose for my addiction…my absolute inability to find peace with life JUST THE WAY IT IS!

Wow! I can’t wait to test this out some more. I come to this understanding and acceptance. Then, because I am so stubborn, I am going to walk around all day, every day, testing to see if I can accept life on life’s terms and get the hell over my little bullshit whining and sniveling when I don’t get what I think I want.

And, I gotta tell you, the first 31 years and 9 months have shown me that it works every single day! What kind of Grace is that? The most amazing and beautiful LOVE this Universe has to give! Woohoo!

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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