December 27

LOVE MONTH: DAY 27: “Let your love be like the misty rains, coming softly, but flooding the river.” — Malagasy Proverb

This is a new quote for me. I had to look up what Malagasy meant. It is the language of Madagascar. That is fascinating for me. I love this quote, because it gives me a feeling of softness. The ideas of misty rains are nice. Especially here, after all the fire, heat and dryness.

And I like the imagery around this quote. Today I found the concept of soft love very appealing. There is a lot of loud noise and bright lights around the holidays and this time of year.

It is easy to feel like an assault has taken place on my senses. A lot of hubbub and people and going here and there. I prefer a quiet, contemplative, and solitary lifestyle.

Today I am enjoying the quiet and soft aspects of the day. There is a lot of business for me to conduct, but I am doing it quietly and softly.

We do this work in recovery, these steps; and they bring us to our own heart, our home base. This is where I always want to stay. But there are things in the world that draw me out and I must go into those places to do what is put in front of me. Whether it be work, tasks in my community, meetings, or other activities, I find that I must be centered to participate well and on a level of love.

Without spiritual centeredness, the world feels uncomfortable for me. I know it is not the world that is off-kilter. It is me. And I will, because I am an addict, blame the world for my lack of spiritual connection or for feeling that I am being impinged on.

So, the soft rains of love can heal my spirit. How cool is that? The work I have done over the last 31 years has given me a solid footing that can sustain the winds and storms that come with life.

This is a lovely place to sit. When life throws things into the mix that feel uncomfortable, I may seek safety in old patterns of behavior and old ideas. This is not surprising in the early years of this thing. I was much more comfortable with old ways than new ones.

That is not the case any longer, but I do know that I was not always aware of slipping into old ways. It was necessary for me to look at my discomfort and my feelings (Steps 4-7) to see where I might be off kilter. This process has saved me for many years.

Some of the early days were full of the same feelings and behaviors I had when practicing addiction, so I thought they were familiar friends. They were familiar, all right, but hardly my friends.

I felt overwhelmed, anxious, put-upon, tired, heavy and worn out. These feelings are often warning signs for me. I do what I am doing with an attitude that I am alone, working too hard, fighting the world, carrying the world, etc. This is all ego, in my experience.

So, I must sit back and humanize myself and the situation. I must use a recovery lens to see where I am not being singled-out for punishment (really?) by the Universe. And be mindful of resentment and self-pity or fear. Then the soft mists of love that shower down upon me when I am mindful of my blessings, and not looking at all the crap, can put me back into the right size.

Love doesn’t come from the Universe in a giant bucket, but in a fine mist. I do know this. Once in a while, the mists collect, and I feel like I get a flood. What I do know is that there is a bit, each day, in my life, to keep me from withering and feeling unloved.

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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