April 9

HONESTY MONTH: DAY 9: “When you give yourself permission to communicate what matters to you in every situation you will have peace despite rejection or disapproval. Putting a voice to your soul helps you to let go of the negative energy of fear and regret.” ― Shannon L. Alder

I would rather be disliked because of who I am than for who I pretend to be…this, of course, is true for being liked and loved. I had a fun time in my younger days, pretending to be all kinds of people…my favorite character to emulate was Holly Golightly from Breakfast at Tiffany’s. She was so FUN! And I had deep, dark, dirty secrets and a core of shame running through my life…fun was a great thing to shoot for. I did not know how much fun there is in freedom and healing, or perhaps I may have gone there first. As it was, I ran from those things and pretended to be so many different people and just kept running. People tell me to write a book about my life, because it is truly a different story, but it is so patently untrue for so many years that I do not know how to comfortably transform those experiences, because they involved a lot of others who were not engaged in my craziness, or who, when they were, were not knowingly engaged in my craziness. Honesty is such a great tool for transformation in my life. I do not need to cover anything up any longer, and am apt to over-disclose to others when I share about myself. It is such a gift and relief to let it all out. I am told I should keep some of it back, but I don’t think that is true. I am a healer, and my journey only makes sense when others can relate to and feel the emotional impact of what it was like and how it is now. I never want to hold information that can help someone else come into a healing place with their shame and dishonesty. I no longer feel good about keeping anything under wraps…so I share…it does make some folks uncomfortable because that is not how we are told to operate in the world of social niceties. I am not here to live within the confines of social niceties…not my path. So I am here to be an honest and forthright person. I am okay when that does not meet with the needs of others to have nuance in their lives…no good at it. What a great world we live in when we can be open and honest and authentic rather than do a dance of social approval and nicey-nicey phony crap…at least that is the world I choose to inhabit. I am free from all of that and it is a wonderful, wonderful feeling for me!