April 8

HONESTY MONTH: DAY 8: “Can you honestly love a dishonest thing?” ― John Steinbeck

This is something I have a great deal of trouble with. When I know someone has lied to me, I am bothered to the point I question everything about them. If I see a dishonest action they perform, I am not quite there with them as time goes on, because I know they have a hole in their being that leaks. I am not perfect and have had times when everything about me and my life was a lie. When we turn this thing around, I believe I am no longer willing to be in a  position to be around deceitful others. It is contagious, I think. And it is really hard to not want to tell them I know their deceit. So I can only focus on myself and being as honest as is humanly possible with self and others. There is probably more for me to discover, because I am always learning interesting things about myself. The process of inventory goes on forever. I do this over and over again, because I am capable of having great conceit and great deceit with self. As I discover who and what I am, and how I believe about things, I want to correct any erroneous thoughts and behaviors I may have around that. This means I have to consistently clean up areas where I have not been as honest as I would like or as mindful as I know I can be. There are times when I really surprise myself with things I say or do. But I want to be as integral as my humanity and broken beginnings will allow me to be today. That can be challenging when I have a stake in a relationship with someone or when they have a stake in something they believe about me and that I want to be for them. I am quite aware of some of these issues in my being and hope that I can continue to make adjustments and corrections as they become necessary. So far I have had to dispel quite a few illusions others have about me. It doesn’t matter what we believe about others, the important thing is to be authentic with self and them in order to create a safe place for all of us to come out of our shells and be real and authentic. When we do this with kindness, love, compassion and integrity, the world is so amazing to inhabit. I am a big fan of honesty, it saves so much time otherwise spent on BS.