April 10

HONESTY MONTH: Day 10: “Don’t bend; don’t water it down; don’t try to make it logical; don’t edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.” ― Franz Kafka

Most of us did this in our addiction…at least I did…I was obsessed with money, sex, men, drugs and alcohol…ad infinitum. So I pursued those things rigorously and without recognizing the road blocks and unhappiness I was fostering along the way…until I began to hit those bumps in the road called “a bottom” …those mornings of grief and heartache…what the BB calls “pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization” …the first phrase I heard in the rooms that cut me to the bone. I did not understand all those years that I needed to do this in a heartful and mindful way…not in the way that creates pain for my soul and yours. And that the drive to escape into oblivion with drugs and alcohol were the real problem. Oh…that addiction was not the path to my greatest happiness…oh…what revelations those were for me…when I got honest about all of it. This did not happen in one day or one week, but over the course of time…one day at a time…in many creative and incredible ways. I did not always like seeing the truth of who I was and what I had been doing, but I seldom felt in my heart that I could righteously deny any of it. And I began to become honest with myself. This is the greatest freedom I have ever known. To be sincerely in love with who I am and to display that, without artifice, to the world is the best thing I know. I can do what resonates within my heart, and those who care to can join me, and those who do not, can walk away. None of this is personal. My tribe is made up of supportive and loving friends, the rest are not. It isn’t personal to me or to them. If there is a lack of respect or acceptance, I don’t want it in my life today. This has led to me stepping away from a great number of people that I don’t really resonate with spiritually or emotionally. Today I live from those platforms, not my ego, more and more comfortably and fully. I love that! There is a constant shifting of this energy and that closes some doors and opens others that truly take my breath away! So today my obsessions are for doing this work and writing about it and teaching and writing and learning and walking on the beach and hiking in the hills and yoga and creating amazing food to eat and my ongoing practice of meditation and compassion and healing. I get filled up with these things today and can tell when I am bending or watering it down, and all the things Mr. Kafka warned against. I don’t need to edit my soul, because those with whom I am meant to be have come to be a part of my life…the rest, not so much…this is a great blessing and gift today! So follow your deepest longings into the places in your heart where the true path lies and continue to do what unfolds in the process of the following and unfolding…it is why we are here and what we are here to do…I love that!

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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