April 4

HONESTY MONTH: DAY 4: “The answer is good things only happen to you if you’re good. Good? Honest is more what I mean… Be anything but a coward, a pretender, an emotional crook, a whore: I’d rather have cancer than a dishonest heart.” ― Truman Capote

And of course, the role that spoke this line was Holly Golightly, one of my first ever female role models. She was the first woman I remember wanting to be when I grew up. Took away my younger desire to be a nun…lol! But this line is powerful and so accurate for me. The really remarkable feature of her role was her inherent ability to live without regret, right in the face of all the opposition she received. Brave and courageous and quite drunk through most of it all…but brave and honest, none the less. I have learned to become that woman…to let it be okay to be disliked, dismissed, discarded, and discouraged in being who and what I am. Sometimes others will tell me to keep a lid on my tendency to speak uncomfortable truths…I think that is an interesting way to be, but it ain’t me. I do NOT need to tell everyone the things that I think or believe, but I do feel compelled to speak out when they are being mean or hurtful to others. Or to completely disregard those who are dishonest and stuck in old ideas and old behaviors. None of us needs to embrace everyone. I have so little time in my life for 100s of people. I really would rather spend an entire day or several days with someone who is on the journey I want to be on or am on, in fact, I will devote enormous amounts of my time and energy to further their journey, if I can. But I will not sit for even a moment more than I have to if I am being lied to or taken for granted or treated badly. Why do I teach these things to others? Because they are the greatest gifts I have received. I have an honest heart…a good and strong heart; but it isn’t one that does what others want or need in order for them to feel better about themselves or what they are doing. I am not famous for co-signing anyone’s BS. Quite the contrary. If you tell me you want to go left and I see that you continue to go right, I will let you know what I see and then let you do what you like. I am not condemning anyone, not my job. I do not know your path. But I am only going to be on this marble for a specific amount of time and won’t waste it with pretenders and phonies. I know we are all inherently dishonest, but that changes when we do this thing. I won’t waste my short time here with those who are not willing to do what it takes…I wish them well and then I move on…there are always more who DO want the truth and want to get past the shit…I love this thing…it has honed my heart to give out big love…that doesn’t go away, but I will love you from a distance…that is all.