April 5


“In a room where

people unanimously maintain

a conspiracy of silence,

one word of truth

sounds like a pistol shot.”

― Czesław Miłosz

This happens all the time when I work with families and couples. There is so much secrecy and dishonesty in this disease. The story surrounding the whole thing is incredible sometimes. I love to disconnect the fragments of the story for people. They hate me for doing it, but something inside them is so grateful and happy to be DONE with the BS. This is how it is in my family. They still tell lies all around the crazy that went on for all the years it did…and still does. I was always in trouble for talking to people about what was happening…and still am. Not my business, because I step aside from the crazy and live in the truth and recovery and healing. It is really hard to get honest when it means that you have to own your stuff. It ain’t pretty to be real with your stuff. Step 4 is a big step. I find that most people get willing by virtue of pain to do this work, then get stymied by the following steps to clean it up. Ego is so much a part of our daily lives we cannot transcend it to go to others and clean up our shit until we are nearly dead from it. Then we will deny and lie about what is really going on. Just the idea that we are operating life based on false conclusions and ego is terrifying to admit for too many addicts. I am watching this go on for a few folks right now. I am not the arbiter of their recovery, even though I know what is happening. I have to stand aside and let it become what it must become. Nothing is gained in the world of disease and dysfunction. Telling the truth is okay if it brings about the healing work the addict needs to do. It quite often will not. I can only speak the truth. That is my journey, to live in and seek truth. This is a lonely road some days, but it is the only road. (an unintended rhyme, but I like it!) I am susceptible to buying into ego at the drop of a hat, so I must always be on the lookout for this tendency…I don’t have time to monitor others’ behaviors…we all know when we are up to no good…it is just an inside job to clean it up. But it always shows. And I want to walk in the sunlight of the spirit…that is how I get so many freckles…and I am a big fan of the happiness that I get when I am straight up and down with the Universe and all her people…that is all.

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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