April 3

HONESTY MONTH: DAY 3: “I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to succeed, but I am bound to live up to what light I have.” ― Abraham Lincoln

Honesty is a funny thing…lots of folks believe it is about giving everyone their opinions about things…nope…that’s a form of brutality and abuse. I maintain that “don’t ask, don’t tell” philosophy…mostly because it is a great tool to use in relationships with everyone I ever met. I have my circle…people I trust to tell me the truth when I ask…and the same goes for those who entrust me to tell them the truth. If you ask, I’ll tell; otherwise, I keep it in my mouth. A simple, but effective way to maintain relationships. If someone insists on giving me their opinion, I just let them know I didn’t ask…if they continue, I expand it with “I see you have an opinion…the saying goes ‘opinions are like assholes, everyone’s got one’…and I prefer you keep both to yourself.” It seldom continues after that. Being honest is not the gateway to popularity. It takes real dedication to navigate the waters of diplomacy and tact. When I have to, I can do that. Really, I am not interested in juggling myself that way…it is not my nature to do that. I could not run for office, because I cannot remain neutral about life or people or most things. I am likely to blurt out “fuck that” way too often to get the majority vote. And it is not my thing…I have a circle, it is sometimes small and sometimes expands, but it is my circle…and I am not in the market for a following. That entails way too much people pleasing…I am not here to go down that road. I can get along with just about anyone for some time. If they are dishonest, I cannot be with them. If they are nasty or mean, I gotta go. If they are willing to bridge our different views, I will build that bridge with them. It isn’t about being right or wrong, but it IS about being open to learning why people are who they are…it IS about being able and willing to build bridges to strengthen relationships…and, for me, it IS about honesty. This means we are going to get into messy areas and into deep truth. I am not and cannot be a shallow diver, I have tried…I get bored really quickly…I want to explore the depths of life, the deep water, the high mountains, and the truth about what lies in our hearts. Do not ask me to go to social gatherings and do small talk about weather, new cell phones and work, etc. I get so bored so quickly…that is all about ego and new cars and new houses and vacations and people holding up something to hide themselves behind. I truly am not interested…I would rather talk about why they love the person they are with today or what stories they tell their children or what their favorite food is and how is it prepared…things that tell me who they are, not what they do or did. This is not popular in our culture, which is why I would never be…and I am like Mr. Lincoln…okay with being authentic to myself at all possible costs.

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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