April 1

HONESTY MONTH: DAY 1: “If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people.” ― Virginia Woolf

This is such an important lesson in working through the Step 4 process. Most of us never get past the shit list of resentments we have about and for others; which is not the purpose for the step. I have worked with so many people and was caught myself in the anger and rage of what had been done “to” me that it was hard to shift into what I had invited, perpetuated and created in the world by being so damned Kelly and doing all the things that were required for me to stay  loaded. It took quite some time for me to recognize the true nature of who I am and how the Universe supports my recovery and ongoing process by putting beautiful mirrors up for me to look into and learn from. If I don’t like what YOU are doing, I better look at what that means for me…most often that I am doing all the same things and totally denying it…or justifying it…or pretending it is your shit all along. I love how that works! Sometimes I have had to give up a behavior and been REALLY judgmental and angry when someone else is doing it with seeming impunity…WHAT???!!!??? Now that really sucks. When I take the time to examine my responses to others, I become more familiar with myself and who I really, really am, in my heart of hearts. This can be a terrifying process, but the only one that gives me consistent, steady and ongoing recovery. I insist on the “E ticket” ride in this thing. I don’t want just a little bit of insight or peace, I want the maximum available…not a half measures kind of person anyway. I don’t know your story…just the chapters you show me…and my experience is that most of us have a side of our nature to which we are completely blind. That is okay unless we get so balled up in the image of ourselves that we forget to find the balance…our human-ness is a key to being humble and right-sized. Ego likes to tell stories about who we are and our relationship to the world and its people that is not true. Those are the lies that will keep us crazy and angry enough to keep us one step closer to loaded. I love this stuff…it just goes deeper and deeper all the time. And I truly do want to be that thing I first heard here….Happy, Joyous and Free! woohoo…today I am!