July 18

PATIENCE MONTH: DAY 18: “The pearl of patience is to wait for God’s perfect time.”― Lailah Gifty Akita

This has taken me a very long time to understand. When I was new, I had a good-sized posse of friends in recovery. One by one, they fell in love and got married or moved in with a partner. Some were men and some were women.

I was just playing. That old behavior did not go away for a few years. I was good with sport-fucking my way around the rooms. One day it stopped feeling good and I quit that. I got into an inventory on that behavior, relationships, and got honest with what I wanted in my life and what I did not want. Okay. A big change of behavior.

I dated off and on, but nothing really came. I did some therapy around some of my trauma and it began a very long process of peeling away layers of shit that needed to be healed. I had to be very patient because it was a really long process. Still going on.

And I had a bitch sponsor, (yeah, the same one!) who used to say, “Honey God is taking care of you right now and wants you all to himself until your perfect man comes along.” Geez! Ya gotta hate her, right? I did, but I also knew nothing was happening in that arena. So I just decided to hang up my track shoes and my butterfly net and quit stalking around after the right HIM.

I focused on healing me, and doing the sponsor thing and my career, which I loved. I got to work with and meet wonderful people and moved up into a great career. I travelled a lot and move A LOT! And I let that part of my life be in God’s hands. I dated around, but nothing that felt right.

At 12 years, a miracle came to pass. I re-met an old friend and we started talking every night on the phone for hours…ah the good, old days…real phones…lol! And soon we were having a relationship and it went on from there. Nothing about it was traditional, at all. But after two years of living together, we were married and I got it all. And I loved it all. Changed my life forever. And he died within 7 years of the beginning, so it was short and very, very sweet and heartbreaking too.

I would have sold myself SO short if I had had my way at any point prior to that. So short. My life today is a complete reflection of all that happened in those seven years and after. Completely changed the story and my world. I could not have done any of it one second before I did. Perfect timing is only God’s. I have never had it, nor will I. I love that “Pearl” every time it happens!