June 3

HUMILITY MONTH: DAY 3: “Suns are extinguished or become corrupted, planets perish and scatter across the wastes of the sky; other suns are kindled, new planets formed to make their revolutions or describe new orbits, and man, an infinitely minute part of a globe which itself is only an imperceptible point in the immense whole, believes that the universe is made for himself.”― Baron d’Holbach

Isn’t this the truth? I thank the Universe every morning as I write my gratitude list. That is SO arrogant! Like it is all here for my benefit. But, really, is it?

I love to contemplate these quotes some days. This one just tickles me, because most people don’t even have the capacity to contemplate the idea that they are NOT the center of the Universe.

I remember my horror upon getting to my earliest meetings when I realized how angry I was with the world, with God, with every living creature on the planet. Ugh! And how hard I had worked for my entire life, to that point, to control and manipulate all of it to make my life more comfortable. These ideas are still in this old brain of mine, by the way. Old ideas, as the BB calls them.

That is what we come up against in Step 4 and work through in Step 5. Step 6, for me, is about seeing this stuff and recognizing my incredible denial of how twisted my thinking is and how completely dysfunctional my self-centered life has become. THAT is humbling. I must get to this point before I can go on past this step.

This step smacks me in the face with all of my inappropriate and invalid coping mechanisms and Ego defenses. These are the only tools I have had up to this point to work with life. And, Wow!, but are they dysfunctional! So, I have to become willing to do this step fully before Step 7 can happen. And THIS, for me, is the true turning point in recovery. Because only HERE can I become completely filled with the idea that I cannot do this alone.

I cannot remove the dysfunction in my life with my old skills. The Universal Power that has kept me free of practicing addiction to this point is going to have to ramp up my game. And I must become completely humble enough to not only recognize that, but to allow it. I cannot “humbly ask” anyone or anything until I get humble. What a great gift this process has brought to me…I live and work and breathe this shit.

And the steps truly sing to my soul. I get to do this hundreds of times, year after year, with others who are healing, truly healing, not just remaining abstinent, but doing this deep healing work of transformation that so few ever really get. Thank you ever so much!