May 13

INTEGRITY MONTH: DAY 13: “Happiness comes from making good choices. Integrity, energy, perseverance, and courage all contribute.”― Mary Pipher

I did not know that the results of the steps would be happiness and joy, peace and love. It is not what I thought it would be.

So many of us equate spiritual life with being “good” versus how “bad” we were before. It takes a lot of people right out of the rooms. Trying to get “good” is the antithesis of this work we are doing.

Although my life before was more colorful, to be certain; it did not lack goodness and was not comprised solely of badness. I do not believe these actually exist in the world. Nor do I agree with the author of the quote that there are either good or bad choices. There is only opportunity to learn from what I do in this world.

I had a lot of great lessons to grow from when I got into this deal. I got to see how many lessons there were for my personal growth and development when I began this process. No material was wasted. It takes what it takes. Healing and recovery are amazing things to get to do. My greatest challenge is to OWN me, all of me. That is part of what Step 5 is going to teach. To become integral with the parts of my life and my being that I want to eradicate because they are not as pretty or acceptable to myself (or others) as I think I should be.

Those parts of me are here to stay. I have learned to love and integrate them into my life. Along with all those things I deemed either good or bad. Most of the time, they were neither, just parts of Kelly. I can accept it all today and share it with others who are working to heal also. What a great gift it is to be free of the labels and the judgments (my own and others!) that were such burdens and builders of shame. It is wonderful to be all of me! I am a great work of art and mastery when I look at the bigger picture. Thanks Big Guy!